October 21, 2024
The term 'healing' is frequently used, but its true meaning is often not fully understood. We speak of it and desire it, yet seldom explore the actual process of healing. From personal experience, I've come to understand that healing is a journey, not a quick fix. A recent event left me emotionally shattered, unfocused, and compelled to face accumulated trauma. It wasn't solely about that incident; it unearthed unresolved issues from my past. Moreover, it was about coping with ongoing challenges over the past two years. In my despair, I cried out for divine help, sleep eluding me. Supported by a few close friends and my adult children, I recognized the need for professional guidance and sought therapy, which is proving to be transformative. My history with therapy dates back to 2008 with the same therapist, who has supported me through various life events and challenges. My regret is pausing therapy when life got hectic and failing to maintain regular sessions. The lesson learned is to continue regular check-ins, even when things seem fine, to maintain health and address challenges proactively.
Therapy became necessary for me when I noticed how deeply this life event affected me. It wasn’t just sadness; it was an inability to function and focus like I use to. As we dug deeper in therapy, we didn’t just address the current pain but peeled back layers that had been building up for years. Balancing a demanding career with caregiving responsibilities, navigating complicated work dynamics, and the unreasonable expectations being placed on me and that I placed on myself—all of these things contributed to the emotional burden I carried. The healing work became about more than just this one moment; it became about addressing everything that had been left unresolved.
What is Healing? Do we really know what it is and what it looks like?
Healing, by definition, is the process of becoming sound or healthy again, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about acknowledging the trauma, pain, and hurt that we have carried and actively working to release. Healing means getting to the root of what broke you, finding peace, and learning how to live without being triggered by your past. For many of us, that requires spiritual connection or re-connection and professional help, especially in a world where we’re expected to “bounce back” quickly. I wasn't bouncing back quickly as I had in the past and I had to get it together.
Why Healing is Important
When we avoid healing, it stacks up. One major life event happens, then another, and before you know it, you’re carrying the weight of years of unresolved pain. For Black women, the stakes are even higher. Studies show that Black women are disproportionately affected by stress-related health conditions due to the unique pressures we face. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, only about 25% of Black Americans seek mental health services when needed, compared to 40% of white Americans. Cultural stigma, lack of access, lack of resources and distrust in the healthcare system all play a part in that. But avoiding healing has serious consequences. Without healing, we run the risk of living in a constant state of survival—reacting instead of thriving.
One thing I’ve learned in this process is the importance of doing more of what makes you happy. For me, dancing is one of the best things to incorporate regularly because it releases things in me that otherwise might not. So, when you see me dancing, yes, I love it, but beyond that, it’s helping me shake off the burdens of the day, weeks, months, or year. Another important thing I’ve learned is some people won’t understand so it’s important to recognize those individuals and determine how you will relocate their positions in your life. What phone calls will you answer. Which ones will you send to voicemail.
Where do you start.......
Four Ways to Heal:
Meditate on His Word and get quiet.
2. Seek professional help.
Therapy is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of courage. Having a trained professional walk with you through the pain can be life changing.
3. Document your triggers.
Writing down when and why you are triggered helps you identify patterns and root causes. Once you understand these patterns, you can begin addressing the source.
4. Give yourself permission to feel.
Healing doesn’t mean ignoring the pain. It’s about acknowledging it and allowing yourself to process those emotions in a healthy way.
Signs That You’re Healing:
1. The triggers are fewer and less intense.
You might still be triggered, but the emotional reaction is no longer as overwhelming.
2. You are able to reflect on your past without reliving it. When you can think about past hurts without falling back into the pain, you know you’re on the right path.
As you heal, you become better at saying no and protecting your emotional and mental space.
Signs That You’ve Healed:
1. You no longer define yourself by your trauma: You see yourself for who you are now, not just what happened to you.
2. You are able to talk about your experience openly: You can share your story without feeling ashamed or reliving the pain.
3. You find joy in new things: The weight of the past is no longer holding you back, and you can embrace new experiences with openness and joy.
Healing is a Lifelong Process
Here’s the truth; healing isn’t a one-time event. It’s ongoing. We are all, at any given time, healing from something, whether it’s childhood trauma, the loss of a job, break-up or divorce, death of loved ones, failed business, broken friendships, financial mishap, family dynamics, or the pressures we’ve placed on ourselves. And as Black women, we often feel the need to carry it all—to be strong for everyone else, while our own needs are put on the backburner. But true healing means prioritizing yourself.
I’m sharing my story because I believe it’s important for us to understand that real healing takes time and intentionality. And we need to be sensitive to those around us who are in that healing space. So how can we help others in their healing journey?
•Be present - Sometimes just listening and being there is enough.
•Offer encouragement - Affirm their progress, no matter how small it seems.
•Remind them to do what makes them happy - Whether it’s dancing, journaling, or just taking a walk, these moments of joy are key to the healing process.
Healing is a process. It requires us to be patient with ourselves and others. But the freedom that comes with it is worth every step.
Let's pledge to not only heal ourselves but also to provide support to those in our circle. We should aim for more than just getting by; we should aim to flourish.
In order to grow, we need to recover from our past wounds. Just like a cut needs time to heal, so do our heart, soul, and mind. Approach this process with purpose and be ready to put in the effort.
Let’s G(r)ow and heal!
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