Throughout my working career, I’ve often witnessed co-workers receive flowers and balloons on special occasions at the office. Valentines Day being one of them. I knew I’d never get anything and didn’t expect to. I’d tell myself and others that I don’t like flowers. They cost a lot, die and the smell sometimes give me an immediate headache. I would even go so far as to say that the money spent on flowers can be spent on something that will last beyond a couple of days. You see, I had convinced myself that I didn’t like flowers and I didn’t need all of that to feel good about special days, but it was an untruth. This is an illustration of how easy it is to fool ourselves when we don’t really own our feelings.
I have purposely spent time in reflection since my divorce and one of the things I’ve learned is how vital it is for us to teach people how to treat us or we will never have our needs met. One way we do this is by being an example of how we treat ourselves. I also realize the importance of owning every one of our feelings. Good and bad.
As I reflect over the last 20+ years, I can recall my mother periodically picking up a bouquet of flowers while grocery shopping. I’ve watched her come home and clip them and make them look just as good as the florist. It was not a holiday or for any special reason other than she liked fresh flowers in her home. I realize now that the flowers make her happy. So much so, It’s one of my go-to gifts for her on special days. Perhaps The real deal was that I thought they were good enough for everyone except me. I was still allowing my mind to convince me that I didn’t personally like them.
Reflection has allowed me to see that it wasn’t that I didn’t like flowers and gifts, I did not want to be let down and disappointed while never receiving them. Rather than be hurt, I convinced myself that “I didn’t need all of that.”
Fast forward, post separation and divorce. I, like my mother, get grocery store flowers from time to time. I cut them and place them in a pretty vase. See the last ones I purchased in the photo. They are for me, myself, and I. I absolutely love tulips. Yellow to be exact.
I don’t have to wait on others to do for me. If I desire flowers and my budget can stand a small investment in me, I purchase them. I will continue to randomly gift myself because I like flowers and I like gifts. I will never be in denial again. Please don’t get me wrong. I would love to randomly get them from others, but I realize that It’s vital that we love on ourselves before expecting anyone else to.
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